The Art of Walking in Another's Shoes

June 1, 2024 The Art of Walking in Another's Shoes

The most effective and simplest way to demonstrate to someone that you understand them is to repeat what they said. And if you really want to know how they're feeling, just try out how the other person puts their feet in front of each other. By literally being able to understand the posture and attitude of your counterpart, contact develops through mutual understanding.

Imitation is the first, oldest, and simplest method of connecting with one another. Getting to know each other this way is fun, but it also requires a sense of humor.

We often experience the opposite: how others cling to their perspectives and standpoints, unfazed. A playful change of position seems impossible. Why is that?

As long as you fear losing touch with yourself when you walk in the other person's shoes, it's understandable why you'd rather stick to the old, familiar shoes. Conversely, you can certainly imagine what it can mean for the other person if you look at the world through their eyes. Nevertheless, you don't have to be afraid of completely giving up on yourself. After all, it's still your eyes looking through someone else's glasses.

It also makes a difference whether you imitate or copy someone. That's why I deliberately speak of imitation and not copying in my clown method.

Imitation allows everyone their own individual touch. But don't confuse imitation with parody. With this form of exaggerated tendencies, a clown intends to tip things over. And that has a completely different meaning and a completely different function – so it doesn't belong here.

The first room of laughter, which we enter as clowns in interaction, is about strengthening self-expression, stability, and trust in ourselves and in others.

Nothing has such a lasting effect as addressing "inner resonance" directly. I'd now like to describe to you what this means and why imitation plays such a large role.

People often feel misunderstood because their counterpart doesn't clearly indicate that they understand what they're talking about. Even before time and space are allowed for a feeling and expression to develop, the other person begins to present their own experiences and arguments. I call such moments "ping-pong." Because the encounter then becomes more like an exchange of blows, and the ball is hit back before it has been tangibly and understandably accepted. This kind of wasted contact is unbearable for both the partner and the spectator and ultimately boring, because it prevents any real play from developing.

A true interaction is based, on the one hand, on a clear impulse and, on the other, on a counterpart who visibly and tangibly accepts the impulse. When this is the case, the communication and playing partners involved experience a feeling of resonance. A kind of echo in themselves and in the other person. This guarantees that we can feel heard and understood. I call this "directly addressing your inner resonance." In this way, you support and strengthen your own impulses and those of your "play partner." Especially when it comes to mirroring your counterpart in such a way that you perceive their impulses and then reinforce that the impulses they send out are valuable enough to incorporate into the game.

By strengthening your partner, you strengthen the interaction and, with them, the impulses that come back to you.

We experience resonance most clearly in interaction when the external reaction, in ourselves and in the other person, coincides with the inner impulse. Then the playful impulse can fully unfold. This creates a true interaction from which everyone involved can benefit and be supported. And this can be learned and supported with the clown method.

No matter in which context I act as a clown, as a teacher or lecturer, or when it comes to motivating the employees of my school to work independently and successfully for the company, in all cases I always first address "inner resonance" to lay the foundation for creative collaboration.

The opposite approach immediately overloads the other person with suggestions, specifications, goals, and expected results. This reduces your counterpart to simply conforming to your wishes and ideas, and you also have to constantly check whether the other person is doing exactly what you dictate.

Perhaps you also know this feeling that others are just waiting for them and everything depends on you. Often, this very notion is linked to the behavior of not registering or ignoring the impulses of others because they don't fit the concept. It's no wonder then that no interaction develops, and certainly no expectation of creativity, impulses, and innovations.

A good partner is a self-confident partner who recognizes and trusts their own impulses.

And this is precisely where the clown's performance can be effective. Especially if you perform as a clown in hospitals or nursing homes, or work in a social setting, you may encounter people who suffer from poor self-connection, are confused, anxious, or very intimidated. But also in other situations. Where people are at risk of losing self-connection due to stress or a particularly difficult task. Here, it makes sense to playfully influence your partner so that they quickly regain contact with themselves.

The easiest way to achieve this is to simply perceive and acknowledge what the other person is experiencing in that moment. You don't need words for this. Often, it's enough to understand their physical and emotional state. The more you can empathize with the other person's experience, the more clearly they will feel understood.

It can also be useful to engage on a linguistic level by empathetically repeating exactly what the other person is saying. Avoid long, drawn-out verbal expressions of sympathy, and definitely don't start any kind of argument. This will only drain the other person's energy and reinforce their sense of self-abandonment. It's not uncommon to then reap corresponding defensive reactions.

I remember a report from clown students who performed a performance in a retirement home and were extremely frustrated that the elderly people were sitting there and not reacting at all. Although they performed a great piece, hardly anyone noticed or appreciated it accordingly. During our shared reflection, we discovered that many of the nursing home residents were no longer able to engage in such a performance or were even frightened by the clowns' sometimes somewhat boisterous demeanor. During their next visit, the clowns simply sat with the elderly people and took their time to sense where their attention was at that moment. Often, old memories surfaced that were much stronger than the here and now.

I advised my students to sit, move, and even breathe just like the elderly person they were interacting with at that moment. When they said something, they should gently repeat it. This allowed the clowns to open the door into the universe of these elderly people a crack and establish a connection that became a touching encounter for both the clown and the elderly person. This empathetic approach then allowed for a collaborative approach in the next step, where they were even able to include the elderly people in their clown-like performance.

We also have similar experiences when working with children and adolescents with behavioral problems, or with people with physical and mental disabilities.

But even in completely normal, everyday encounters, this approaching step shouldn't be omitted.

You might still think this is excessive and even a waste of time. Then please ask yourself how much time we often have to spend clarifying misunderstandings, defensive behavior, or difficult contact after the first encounter. It's always about empathizing first and then slowly penetrating the inner voice that often hides behind hurt, prejudice, fear, and defensive behavior.

In this way, every encounter and every counterpart also becomes a mirror for yourself.

Be curious and look forward to what's happening and the people you meet. Feel the encounter. Physically sense the content and value that this special contact holds for you.

Give yourself time to adjust.

This also prevents you from overexerting yourself or exerting energy that is completely inappropriate for the situation.

Learn to focus your energy on the moment.

By tuning into your counterpart, you can coordinate your own appearance and behavior in a way that truly resonates with the other person. Then you no longer need to fear having to pull the other person along, serve them, convince them, or even manipulate them.

From my many years of work as a trainer and lecturer, I've come to the conclusion that I can only teach people what they already know. Therefore, I suggest you: Find out what others know! The technique of imitation not only offers you a playful way to understand the world in which others live, but also a direct opportunity to participate in that world and influence it.

If you recognize what others know, you can educate them by learning from them.