How I found the clown of silence.

How I found the Clown of Silence

During a phase of intense personal and professional conflict, during which I longed for nothing but peace and quiet, I woke up one morning with the sentence:

"I could destroy everything, but I haven't understood it yet!"

That morning, my dream voice had made it clear to me that you can't leave behind what you haven't yet recognized. There is only one way to escape the nightmare, and that is to wake up and realize what is and what isn't.

I recognized in the principle of awakening the access to the silence I so longed for. At the same time, I found a new level of expression in clown-like play, which I call the clown of silence. This is where the play of the character clown, to whom we owe so much, ends. For it was only by constantly entangling ourselves that we were able to develop.

With the awakening of the clown of silence, our enactments of failure disappear. In awakening, we can turn around and recognize the illusion that has obscured our view of reality.

With the clown's awakening, the perception of silence finally succeeds. In silence, inner perception unites with external events. The clown of silence traces the path back from emotion, to feeling, to sensation as the interface of concrete experience. Thus, the illusion disappears. What remains is the moment. Just as the clown of silence himself pursues no particular meaning, he thereby reveals the larger context. He loves the meaningless, pure play in which everything is reflected without intending anything specific. Unlike verbal language, which excludes and marginalizes through naming, he plays with what he finds and combines the events. A casual gesture, a chance encounter becomes an ongoing game without beginning or end. In this game, there are no witty punchlines and no artistic climax, except for presence. The clown of silence needs no meaning, no problem, and no conflict to find his game in the here and now. All he needs is a ray of light on the wall, the movement of a branch in the wind, or the astonished and eager gaze of a child, which he captures for a brief moment and, as a master of the silent moment, connects with eternity.

 

The Path to Silence

The clown of silence behaves like a tracker. His prey is silence. He tunes into and harmonizes with the inner and outer landscape he roams through. In doing so, he becomes aware not only of his own reactions, but also of those of his prey. The tracker and the prey he is tracking become one. The tracker is thus in awareness. Like a hunter, safety from possible external dangers and simultaneous alignment with his prey depend on the presence of his holistic inner perception. His senses are completely attuned to the situation and perceive the slightest sounds and movements. An inner feeling warns him when something is wrong and shows him the way when the obvious traces have been erased.

The clown of silence therefore perceives everything more intensely and in more diversity. In this awareness, he experiences things as beautiful that seem banal to others. His experience becomes tangible and visible through the interplay of thought, feeling, and action. He draws his impulses equally from mind and body. Mind and body are not opposites. The clown of silence embodies interconnectedness. To express this interrelationship and connection, the absorption of inner and outer impulses must be pursued with the same intensity as the artistic task of radiating.

By connecting with everything external, perceiving and absorbing everything, the clown, supported by his inner experience, simultaneously trains the simultaneous presence of the "observer." From a kind of bird's-eye view, he views his actions without being separated from them. This leads us to the so-called:

"Involvement of the Observer"

In this experience, there is no "I" that observes the world, but only a "I" that looks around in a world of which it is a part. Playing is thus an activity that is felt both internally and observed externally. Added to this is the perception and appreciation of present feelings, sensations, and emotions from a broader perspective and with greater depth and evaluation.

The clown of silence doesn't simply replace the basic assumption "I'm wrong – I have to change" with the slogan "I'm OK."

He goes with what is and trusts in the clarifying and transforming quality of presence, which brings everything past and expected together in the moment: Even fear, desire, pain, or joy are part of his present perception and appreciation of what is true and present.

The clown of silence excludes nothing. Instead of changing, he seeks to connect. His goal is to dissolve the separation of humanity from being. In this way, the clown fulfills his ancient function as shaman, healer, and spiritual guide. His intention is connection that grows through compassion for oneself. This requires devotion and permeability. In this way, he recognizes in the other the original form beyond identifications and projections.

What is meant in Eastern consciousness teachings as "seeing Buddha nature" and taught in Western religion as connectedness (Latin: religio) means for the clown of silence the question:

"What would humor do to get things flowing?!"

The Clown of Silence answers this question by facing presence. Presence is real. It is not socially mediated and cannot be faked. Therefore, no specific action leads to presence. Presence is a state.

On the other hand, the prerequisites for a present state can be brought about, practiced, and trained through breathing techniques, bodywork, and perception and emotion training.

In a present state, one can emerge spontaneously, at the right time, in harmony with the whole, without exerting the will. Presence frees one from the dictatorship of reaction and leads beyond linear thinking from A to B, to a holistic perspective. By abandoning discursive thinking, space is created to align oneself with sensory and energetic coordinates.

This paves the way for intuitive communication. From the silence, one can observe constant change and transformation and simultaneously become a present, playful part of it.

This is the Clown of Silence

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